Terlajak perahu boleh nak diundur tapi kalau terlajar kata......haihhh susah I tell you. Maka dengan itu, tolong dan tolong dan tolonglah before we wanna say something, think, think and think before you speak. Sebab lidah ni tajam dia Masyaallah. Family pon bole bergaduh kerana lidah. Also kerana mulut badan binasa which is why we must always take care of our words before we speak.
I am a person yang dah biasa be alone. I can do things alone, I can go out alone, travel alone and semua alone lah. When I was young I can say I am a rebel. Memang selalu ada konflik jiwa kacau orang kata. Pemarah ya amat mungkin sebab growing up, my dad passed away when I was in college. I was very close to him and only to him can I open up about everything in my life apart from my grandmother. I have a mother right now. Macam biasa our relationship nak kata close tu tidak, nak kata renggang jugak tidak. Macam biasa. I respect and love my mother as she has given birth to me and bring me to this world but I am not close to her. When I was much younger I had a lot of missunderstanding with my mother, I rasa biasa la kot in any family a child growing up surely ada punya masalah here and there. I would say I was never a problem to her because after my father passed away, my uncle continue to pay for my education and I continue my studies here but living in a hostel not with my mother. Mungkin kerana terlalu rapat dengan nenek hubungan dengan mak tu tak berapa rapat. I was not always living with my mother also compared to my brother and sister. I was the middle child and so you know what that means. Nonetheless, my mother is my mother and I love her. Cuma lately ni ada satu kejadian in the family.
Now, this issue here is a bit crazy. I have a cousin, this one particular cousin whom I was not even close with before because she is totally the opposite of me. She is very quiet, very shy kalau nak dengar dia bercakap tu macam ada diamond dalam mulut susah la sangat dia nak bercakap. I think start 2016 this cousin dah mula keluar dari kepongpong. Dia jadi friendly, suka bersembang. I was not so comfortable actually from the beginning when she started to open her mouth and become a person so friendly you are wondering what is going on with her. Hmmmp. I already have a BFF who is my another cousin Tini. Tini and I are inseparable. Mana mana pergi always together since long long time ago. Zaman muda pergi clubbing pon together. You can say everyone knows how close me and Tini are. The day Dida my quiet cousin started talking, Tini and her becomes like Me and Tini. You know 3 is always a crowd. But I let it be because Tini masih kawan baik I. She has not changed a bit eventho she spends more time with Dida. Tini is a housewife and I am working on my business so I am always busy. Dida is not married, has no business, living on her parent's trust fund senang cerita goyang kaki lah walau usia nak masuk 4 series. Jadi keadaan ni lebih mudah for Dida and Tini to become close. Mula mula tu I have to admit I was jealous because Tini is my bestfriend/cousin. But lama lama I feel ok la Dida ni she managed to capture my heart and I was fond of her too. So the 3 of us created a whatsapp group nak senang kita bersembang bertiga. Senang all 3 knows all. But Dida has got some dark past that she hide from semua orang.
To cut the story short, one day Tini called this one ustaz who came from Acheh untuk berubat Tini. She was sick in a way no medical doctor could rawat. The last solution is to get an ustaz to help. This ustaz from Acheh was recommended by a relative so we all tak takut sebab family yang introduce. The ustaz doesn't look dodgy too. Finally the day came for Tini untuk berubat and here comes Dida saying she too wants to berubat, she claim to have some sickness here and there. Tak kisah lah so they berubat together in Tini's house with the presence of Tini's mom and husband. I was supposed to be there too because I too was not feeling to well I thought why not check je la ustaz dah di sini no harm trying. Paling paling pon bole amik air ke apa untuk minum sudah la. But, nak dijadikan cerita I had a project at the time and was unable to join them. Dida kept on pestering me suruh jugak berubat dengan ustaz ni. I was like sabar lah I am so busy you have no idea and so I said Sunday lah.
On hari ke 5 Dida berubat, she bring along 1 big bag of IKEA bag tangkal tangkal makeups and small small items which rupanya dulu dulu dalam dok diam diam tu dok pergi jumpa bomoh with her ex friend. Masyaaallah banyak ler benda dia mengambil you won't believe it if you see her face. She look so baik and innocent. I know this because Tini and her mother told me what happen on a daily basis during the time diorang berubat dengan ustaz tu. I kept my mouth shut and not even once mentioned to my mother or her mother. I warned Tini to let Dida's mother know that dia sekarang sedang berubat because it is very dangerous. If anything were to happen to Dida during the time dia berubat, Tini is going to get it from Dida's mother. Tini doesn't want because she is afraid. I don't blame her because our unty can be a bit scary at times. What I fear finally came true. Hari ke 5 Dida berubat she followed the ustaz to throw away her 1 bag of tangkals and stuff in some sungai. I don't know la if it's the right way to do stuff as I am not well verse in ilmu hitam and what not. Malam tu Dida went home and became crazy. She started talking nonsense like a crazy person. She run in the middle of the night to her mother's room and started shouting and crying. She said I BITE HER. Yes she accused me of biting her and "hantar barang" to her. Obviously I know it's not her yang bercakap. But her mother believed. I don't blame my unty because as a mother she is worried and panic about her daughter. A mother would believe everything her child says for sure. So apparently Dida went crazy the whole night. She kept saying I did it to her. The next day, my unty demands everyone to be present in an emergency family meeting.
In the meeting, I am the main suspect. Betul betul funny to think of it. I came alone without my mother because my mother refuse to attend. I didn't want her to attend the meeting too because I am afraid it might get emotional and she might be freaking out or something. So yes I was alone. Alone and ready to face whatever crap in front of me. Tini's father was also there. So he ask Dida to speak first. Dida yang sememangnya bukan Dida started talking. She asked me about my trip to Indonesia. She ask me what was I doing in Indonesia? I said I went for business and also for leisure which is true and I didn't lie. She ask again, "sure ke?" and continue "bukan pergi jumpa bomoh ke?". At that point my blood was boiling and I said no I did not go there to meet bomoh. If I wanted to meet bomoh I don't have to go to Indonesia, Malaysia pon banyak. Hehe. Everyone kept quiet. Than Dida just snorted and rolled her eyes and sit. After that Dida's mother started talking. Now, this is where it all started. When my unty started to open her mouth. My owh my the words that came out of her mouth is unbelievably sickening. My own unty accused me of "menghantar barang" to my own cousin, she said she knows her daughter too well her daughter don't do nonsense etc etc. So many hurtful things was said to me from her. I defended myself alone, by myself and walk out of the house feeling like a bomb about to explode. I could explode in front of them but they are orang tua in the family, we were very close before I do not want to add to the shits that was already said to me. Had I opened my mouth time tu lah, I think my unty might just collapsed or flush her head in the toilet bowl. Hmmmp. I walked out after explaining myself because I could not face my blood relations anymore. Tini told me that her father scolded Dida's mother for saying such things to me. He explained to Dida's mother that Dida has been taking things from various bomoh behind her back for almost 9 years. Boy did it shocked Dida's mother. She said she know her daughter too well before and now its clear that she doesn't. And she has accused me who was not even there at the time they berubat and was never in Dida's life way before when she was doing bomoh hopping.
Tapi nak buat macam mana like I said terlajak perahu bole undur lah ni dah terlajak kata, kata pulak benda yang tajam yang sakitkan hati macam mana nak buat? I started to leave each and every family whatsapp group and everyone started to freak out why I left. My mother never questioned why I left she knows. Next I started to unfriend Dida on all social media. Tini told me it's good to do that because I need time to heal my heart. She was right. I need some time to heal my broken heart. Hati ni bukan broken sebab kawan. I don;t give a damm if it's a friend yang kata tu. Because it's a family yang kata the hurt is very deep. I don't know sampai bila baru I will be OK. I know my unty feels bad saying those things to me now that she knows the true story but I don't care. I am upset. To me, she should have think secara rational first and use a much more proper words towards me. I have never done anything to any of my family member. Even those I do not like I still respect them when I see them because blood will always be blood. Tapi for now, eventho blood relation, biar lah dulu. I am hurt. I need some time to be alone and away. I am not answering any phone calls, or whatsapp or sms at the moment kecuali from Tini. Tini understands me.
Now today Tini told me that Dida is now normal. She is back to being herself and that she feels so bad about what happen. She also said she miss me. I cried when Tini said that to me because I too miss her. She is my family. But I can't be her friend anymore because what her mother said to me is too hurtful. I told Tini to let it be, I need more time to heal. Hopefully I can heal perfectly. For now, all I can say is that never hurt your family especially those who has always been there for you. Hmmmppp
Peace, no war
#midnightranting
#storyofmylife
#deardiary
